Hand to Mouth Living in Bootstrap America by Linda Tirado
Author:Linda Tirado [Tirado, Linda]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs, Social Science, Poverty & Homelessness, Social Classes
ISBN: 9780399171987
Google: hSB0AwAAQBAJ
Amazon: 0399171983
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2014-10-02T05:00:00+00:00
6
This Part Is About Sex
I’m writing a chapter about sex, so I’m trying to remember the names of everyone I’ve slept with. I don’t think it’s possible; sobriety hasn’t always been involved. I never bought the idea that sex is actually immoral. God made me human, so I tend to think he doesn’t expect me to act like an angel, if in fact angels don’t mess around. And I really don’t understand why rubbing genitals with someone is immoral. With all the evil in the world, we’re really going to judge people who make each other feel good?
Being poor is isolating. You’re constantly being rude to friends and family because you never have time to talk, never have time to hang out. Never have the money to do anything, not even to reciprocate a birthday present. You don’t ever have anything new happening—no news to share unless you’re getting married or having a baby. You lose the most interesting parts of yourself to the demands of survival. I got so boring when I was at my worst that even I didn’t want to hang out with myself. Why on earth would I invite anyone I liked to come over and stare at walls with me?
For me, sex has been a logical fix for that problem. It doesn’t require conversation, no personality necessary. Just some skill and willingness and a partner with the same two things. It’s catharsis without any baggage or investment. Sex is kind of magic that way; if you tell a woman she is beautiful, and you do it when you are as unguarded as you can possibly be, she will believe you, and it will stick with her. If you tell a man he is wanted, and you do it when you are making that very clear, he will remember your words longer than you do. You can fix people a little bit, plus there are orgasms and cuddling. I couldn’t design better therapy.
Sex is fun. It’s fun for rich people, it’s fun for poor people. But there are two possible reasons for having sex that I think tend to be way more important to poor people than to rich people: 1) The chemical rush of sex is a great way to forget about your problems for a little while, and 2) sex is completely free.
Let’s talk about the endorphin rush first. It’s not just the thrill of an orgasm that I’m talking about. It’s the physical comfort and feeling of a little pleasure in your body. Few things are more isolating than financial desperation. Sure I have my friends to talk to, but while we commiserate about the practical—the unpaid bills or the car troubles—we rarely talk about our feelings. We shy away from them. And when I come home from a long day at work, it’s a guarantee that my husband has had just as sucky a day. If we want physical comfort and a loosening of the back muscles, it’s only going to happen while we’re having sex.
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